Compassion

THE TENSION

Compassion. It is easy to confuse compassion with sympathy, or with the discomfort of watching someone struggle and not knowing what to do. Genuine compassion in leadership is neither of those things. It is the willingness to actually be with someone in their difficulty - and to act from that, not just feel it.

“There is a version of ‘I understand’ that costs nothing and gives nothing. Compassion is what happens after that sentence.”

THE SCENARIO

Oliver Tan has been Network Spatial Data Team Lead at Ausgrid for ten months. His team oversees the GIS work that underpins network asset mapping, outage response analysis, and infrastructure planning for NSW’s electricity network - a team whose outputs feed directly into how the network responds when things go wrong.

One of his analysts, Kristina, had a family bereavement eight weeks ago. She took a week of compassionate leave, returned, and has been present since. Her output has been slower than usual. There are occasional errors that were not characteristic of her previous work. She arrives on time, responds to messages, and gets through the day.

Oliver has been managing this by redistributing the most time-critical work. He has not spoken to Kristina about it directly. In their last two one-on-ones, he opened with workload, checked in briefly with “how are you going?” and moved on when she said “Fine.”

Last week, a colleague of Kristina’s mentioned to Oliver that she had been crying quietly at her desk on Tuesday afternoon. Oliver nodded and said he’d keep an eye on things.

Kristina is not fine. Oliver knows this. He has been managing around it rather than towards it - because moving towards it requires him to sit in a conversation with no clear resolution, and that is genuinely uncomfortable for someone trained to solve problems.

WHAT’S DRIVING IT

Compassion is the quality that compels you to intervene when someone is in pain or suffering. It is a clear manifestation of care for others and humanity - and it goes beyond sympathy or even empathy. Compassion moves and motivates you to support someone, irrespective of your own discomfort.

Oliver is not indifferent to Kristina. He redistributed her workload. He noticed the Tuesday afternoon. He has been carrying a low-grade awareness of her struggle for eight weeks. But he has not acted from compassion - he has acted from management. The difference is significant.

Management says: I can see this is affecting the work, so I will adjust the work. Compassion says: I can see this person is suffering, and I am going to be present to that even though it is not a problem I can solve. Kristina does not need her workload optimised. She needs her leader to ask the real question and stay in the room for the real answer.

A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH COMPASSION

A healthy relationship with compassion means you mostly experience yourself as someone who will take appropriate action beyond words and intervene when you are present to another’s suffering or misfortune. Others experience you as prepared to share and be with their discomfort or pain - not to fix it, but to acknowledge it genuinely.

In practice, this looks like Oliver asking Kristina, in a private conversation: “I want to check in properly - not about the work. How are you actually doing?” And then listening to whatever comes, without immediately moving to solutions. That conversation will not resolve Kristina’s grief. But it will change her experience of being in the team, and it will change the quality of what Oliver understands about the person he is leading.

REFLECTION PROMPTS

- Is there someone in your team right now who is struggling that you are managing around rather than moving towards?

- When a team member says ‘I’m fine’ in response to a check-in, do you accept that at face value or do you stay in the conversation?

- What is the discomfort that stops you from sitting in a conversation that has no clear resolution?

- What would it look like to ask the real question - the one you’ve been not asking - and to be genuinely present to the answer?

If you recognise the distance between managing a situation and being genuinely compassionate in it - The Being Profile explores how compassion operates in your leadership - and what becomes available for your team when you move towards difficulty rather than around it. Get in touch at hello@mappingbeing.com.au

While the organisations referenced exist, the team lead, other people and the team name have been used for demonstration purposes only. Any resemblance to real-life people, teams, organisations or situations is purely coincidental.

Reference: Tashvir, A. (2021). BEING (p. 396). Engenesis Publications.

[Published: 27 July 2026]